the tsunami

I gave what I could, you can too.


World Vision
Red Cross
MercyCorps

packing list

I am already pretend packing and piecing together pretty outfits, just a bit prematurely. This collection is ridiculous for a few reasons; 1. I would not pack that many paris of shoes, 2. The sum of all of these together would cost the same if not more than the trip itself, and 3. I wouldn't be so silly as to pack or wear silk for this type of travel. Nevertheless, it's fun to dream.

I love what Rodarte did swimwear wise for Opening Ceremony. If I could justify buying a three-hundred-some-dollar bathing suit, I would probably get one of theirs.

I can't bring myself to list what everything is or where it is from, but the majority is a mix curated from La Garconne. There are a few things from Creatures of Comfort (the Rachel Comey Lone Clog), Steven Alan (pink silk blouse & grey cotton trousers), Madewell (blue desert boots & the backpack) and Anthropologie (pink & floral swimsuit). 

sunshine ahead

My mind has been fixated on only one idea since Saturday, and so I haven't been able to produce much of anything else to say. I am aching to get out of this place and see something different. I don't want to sit around in Seattle and wait for something exciting to happen. There are so many things I could do here that I know would make me content, but I want to go somewhere and do something exciting. I have been reluctant to announce it so publicly, as I don't know if it's going to work out yet. However, I hesitate to even whisper potential failure out of the fear of creating a self fulfilled prophecy. So, none of that!

I have dreams of traveling to so many places, and so to begin, I am planning to go South. I want to see Central and South America. I have proposed this idea to my sister, and she being my best and favorite traveling companion, agreed that it would be an amazing experience. Our two younger brothers might join us, too. If the four of us could go out into the world like that together, it would be a dream come true. So, if Ashley doesn't get into nursing school (both of us have conflicted feelings about this), then we will make our way southwards in January of next year. 

It will be the perfect time to go. We will just be exiting the delight  of the holidays and can escape the gloom and grey of another long, painful Seattle winter. I would like to travel for at least a month, but ideally longer. There are of course issues of how this will work logistically and financially, as my job will come to an end in September... But, if there is a will, there is a way!

It is very exciting to have something like this to strive for and look forward to.  Even now, as the torrential rain pounds against my windows, I can easily slip into the reverie of foreign lands, warm weather and adventures abroad. They lift my spirits immensely. Also, I think this progesterone in a bottle is pure magic; I have been feeling a million times better - much more myself. Thank goodness.




Image via Flickr.

treats

I love my new rings from Portals & Prisms. They were too tiny to fit around my somewhat chubby fingers, and are slightly too big for my pinky. Even still, I think they look rather nice. I feel a little happy when I look at my hand. There's one more set left, if anyone cares to match!

I spent six hours baking in an industrial kitchen for around 200 people last night. I was only mixing brownies and making whipped cream, but it was really fun to spread out and work in a "real" kitchen. The added excitement of people busily preparing a feast of fennel crusted pork with roasted potatoes & pears (so delicious, and far more challenging than my responsibilities!) around me made it all the more so.  I was secretly and happily pretending that I was a real pastry chef. I felt a bit silly accepting compliments for the boxed brownies and whipped cream (which is also all too easy) - but I appreciated their gratitude. It simply made me wonder if any of those people had ever had whipped cream the way it's supposed to be made, rather than straight out of a can. I truly hope not! That would be such a shame. Nevertheless, it felt very good. 

futuristic

A 21st century play date; finger painting with Ashley & Ona. How I wish I could get these two tots together in person!

someday

I may be a bit behind, but I just finished watching A Single Man. Everything in that film was aesthetically perfect. That house!

 One of these days, I'll have my dad design something like this for me. 

Photos via Apartment Therapy.

the news

I just received text messages from both my mom and dad; the short sale went through. They have to be moved out of our home by April 30th.

Ooof! Heartbroken! Even though I know this is what they needed to happen.

impulses

Ack! I have reassumed my bad habit of impulse shopping. I bought a few things last weekend, which I will have to return to make up for the two new tops I purchased this evening on my way to the grocery store. And just now, I snatched up these rings from Portals and Prisms. I just couldn't let anyone else have them! I think they're so delicate and pretty.

I would really like to get a little leather pouch from Rennes as well. I have to keep my little glass bottle of precious hormones with me wherever I go, so I would like to have something nice to keep them safe in. I just cannot decide on a color. Mint? Pink? Or should I play it safe and get a nice, neutral brown?

Other things on my current wish list include some Stella McCartney underpinnings from Lillie Boutique (totally unnecessary, but I'm sure I could find a way to justify it), these pretty little gold rimmed dishes, this moon chart, and a whole lot of stuff from Herriott Grace - like a wooden cake stand, the porcelain juicer, a mortar & pestle and a collection of the breakfast bowls and plates.

I'm sure I could come up with much, much more - but I really ought to go to sleep.

looking forward

Dear Anastasia,

All I want right now is you.

Sometime soon the sun will come out, and I will pack my bags, hop on a train and make my way South. You and I will spend some much deserved time together like we have in magical pockets of the past. I will pack a disposable and take pictures of everything beautiful. We will eat a large, delicious brunch every day and swim the afternoons away. We will pack picnic dinners and find a quiet place to search for constellations and satellites. We will take long walks and eat ice cream cones three times a day. We will snuggle up and watch those stilly ghost shows that you like. You will make me laugh the way that only you can. You will make my heart light.

It will be refreshing, wonderful, dreamy. It will be like all of the shades of pink that make me feel so glad.

So my sweet friend, this is my plan. What do you say?

sunday & stuff

I started my Sunday slowly, lounging about, drinking tea, clicking around the internet, watching a movie my uncle lent me. There were scenes in the movie that had me wishing I lived in a white house with a sun room, nestled up to a river in the English countryside and my only means of transportation was a small, wooden rowboat. It would serve well for afternoon tea and cake with my friends, star gazing at night and endless amounts of swimming and sun bathing in the summertime. Sounds like a dream to me.

It was a rainy, blustery, chilly day but after hiding away from the weather for most of the weekend, I decided to venture out to the Ballard farmer's market. I toted along with me my terrarium that I built several months ago at The Palm Room and the smoky glass container which once contained a plant that I somehow managed to kill. The girl that works there (I feel terrible for not knowing her name by now, I go in there so often) is always so sweet and helpful. She and the owner helped me to give my terrarium some encouragement, and also provided me with a new Purple Ruffled Peperomia. I originally picked out that plant because of it's purply-pink stems and was awfully sad when I slowly and unintentionally took it's life. They had only one left when I popped in today; we were meant to be. I am determined to do a better job this time.

There was a small estate sale in an emptied out shop along Ballard Avenue, where I found a few new dishes and a tiled table with brass legs for a very small sum ($12!). I think I may be accumulating a little too much furniture for this small space, so after I scrounge up the money to buy this bookcase (as a room divider) and this desk - I'll be done. I think. The table is good, though, because it encourages me to sit in my pink chair which typically, until now, has only served as something to look at. 

Due to the weather, I spent a lot of my time indoors this weekend, wondering, reflecting... Perhaps too much. I've written a few things and then left them alone, never being able to really figure out how to explain or express what I've been feeling. Or I suppose the real problem was, I wasn't sure what I was feeling. I think I have it figured out now. 

Time is moving in a strange way. It has been nearly six months since I moved into this apartment, only about four months since my heart's last disaster, and just three months since I had a real break from this city. Yet it seems that all of these things either just happened, happened ages ago, or are lost somewhere in between. My feelings, regarding my heart specifically, are so confused and I often feel like I'm on the fritz. Last week was especially strange for me, in addition to my heart troubles, between being harassed on the bus and then smashing my thumb - everything felt all too negative and unfair. I am feeling much better now, however I'm beginning to sound like I might be a bit emotionally off balance - and apparently, hormonally, I am. 

I never really divulge any sort of real personal information here, but it's becoming all too clear to me that it's showing through in a rather unattractive way - even here. So, I guess I would like to clear things up. I was informed by my doctor a few weeks ago that I have very low progesterone levels, which is most likely the cause of many a trouble. For example; anxiety, skin problems (which make me feel horribly ugly and thus, depressed), insomnia, emotional instability, etc. These are all things I have been struggling with and they are all things that are normally not an issue for me. I had been assuming all along that it was strictly due to all of the changes in my life, all of the adjusting - the struggle of being alone, having a broken heart and trying to figure out my place in my new and scary life. I never considered that perhaps there might be something more going on, and I must say, in some way it is a relief that it's not all in my head or heart. 

I could go into how this happened, but that's more information than I think I need to share. What matters is that I now know what's going on inside of my body and what needs to be done to fix it. Needless to say, until we can get everything regulated and back to normal, I might remain a little bit crazy. So, thank you for the support that so many of you give me, be you friends or strangers - who in so many ways have become my friends, too. I am on a bit of a difficult journey right now, but I trust that there will be a resumption of calm and peace eventually, and hopefully soon.

And with that, I hope you all had a lovely and restful weekend.