a new year

She helps me get through each day.

I don't feel like I have much to celebrate or look forward to. I'm trying to be positive, but it's awfully hard. What with the very recent death of my grandpa, the loss of love and my best friend, and the stress of work that will soon be upon me (I'm working every single day until February) - it makes it difficult to recognize the good things in my life.



I'm trying to tell myself that 2008 will be a better year, but it's really hard to believe when it's starting off so horribly.

help

To: Anastasia
Date: Dec 29, 2007 11:37 PM
Subject: RE: No Subject

I'm dying


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Anastasia
Date: Dec 29, 2007 4:14 PM
Subject: RE: No Subject


I need you

forgive me

It's all my fault.

I wish I could eat.

Have you ever missed someone so much that it feels like the entirety of your insides are compressing and leaving a huge empty space where everything that's keeping you alive is supposed to be? Every breath you take is an enormous effort because your heart and lungs feel so heavy. You become lightheaded and feel like you're going to pass out because it's so hard to breathe. It's completely miserable. Utter torment. Sometimes you think you might just die. It comes in waves. One moment you're fine. You're laughing and smiling. Then suddenly, it hurts so bad you feel like it's going to kill you.

This sounds so dramatic but if you've ever loved and have faced the possibility of love lost then you know it's absolutely true. The pain is almost unbearable.

so sorry

I am such a child sometimes.

for my friends

I haven't made a poster for anyone in a long time. It was fun! Evan let me do whatever I wanted to do.



PS. The whole hair dying thing turned into a huge fiasco. I looked like a carrot.

new wheels

Yesterday was such a strange day. Good strange in some ways, and awkward strange in others.


One of my customers who works at the bike shop down the street showed up with a bike for me. I was not expecting it at all. We had a conversation a month or so ago about how I would love to get a bike but I just didn't know the first thing about how to pick one out. So, he gave me his old bike that he had fixed up. He said it fits me (size wise) perfectly. I really don't know how to repay him... I am so excited about this though.

My youngest brother is in high school, and he is taking an auto body detailing class. I'm going to have him take the bike in and paint it for me for free. I want it to be black and shiny. I'm going to get a basket for it, and a tan leather seat.



Hopefully, I will be able to make it look as cute as that bike. I haven't ridden a bike in years - so it might take some practice!


I'm so excited!

so tired

It's so early. I got up at 5:00am to open. I slept 3 hours last night because I went crazy turning my room upside down, one last time, trying to find my phone. I give up. I'm going to the mall after work to buy a new one and it's going to cost me no less than $200. So lame.

I have an appointment on Thursday for an all over color & cut. My hair is so fine and lifeless, I've decided to try damaging it with bleach and see if that helps at all. I'm just going to go a few shades lighter than my natural color, I think. I'm trying to grow my hair out after chopping it off in July, so hopefully she won't have to cut too much off.

ugh. I'm going to be spending a lot of money this week.