30 January 2008


Nathan & I eating birthday cake.

Happy Birthday to my (not-so-little) little brother, David! He's 19 now. The whole family came over for dinner last night - but his birthday was actually on Monday. I love spending time with them. Especially my little cousins. Nathan is so smart and funny. I wish I had recorded some of the things he said and did last night. He's the funniest little kid I've ever known.

There are more pictures from last night at home on my computer (I'm at work). I might post those later.

I played guitar hero with my other brother Daniel all night - so much fun. I can't wait to get off work today. I'm going to go straight home and practice so I can beat him when he gets home from school. We have become such good friends over the past few months. He referred to himself as my best friend the other day. haha - it was pretty cute. He's such a great kid. I'm proud because he's turning out to be more like me than my other siblings. We're into the same things, unlike David and I, who I love completely... But basketball and rap just aren't my scene. Daniel will shop at Value Village with me and sit and watch the same episodes of The Office over & over again with me. We always laugh just as hard as we did the first time we saw it. Not to mention, he craves Shnoo just about as often as I do. I'd say the only thing we don't see eye to eye on is his love for neon. I can't stand neon.

It's really nice now that my siblings and I are all starting to even out our age gaps again. The four of us hang out and have such fun together. I was hoping to plan a road trip down to LA in the spring as a birthday present to David. He's dying to go on The Price Is Right, but nobody's spring breaks match up, so that probably can't happen until the summer or something. It will be so great if that works out, though.

I've been trying to plan lots of things for myself so that I have things to look forward to - and to try and distract myself from all that is going wrong in my life (i.e.; literally everything). I can say without any hesitation that December-January have absolutely been the hardest times of my life - and due to even more recent events, there's no end in sight. However, I'm trying to be optimistic and positive (as much as it might not sound like I am).

28 January 2008

my first bike

Sometimes I wish I were 5 years old again. Life was a lot easier then.

17 January 2008

wings & stings

I ordered this childrens' book last week from the Antiquarian Booksellers' Association of America & it came in the mail yesterday. It's called "Wings and Stings", a first edition copy from 1903 by Agnes McClellan Daulton. It's so precious and in great condition! I'm so excited to be building my children's book collection.

The book has 12 chapters in it, all which tell stories from the eyes of different insects and plants. It's like most children's stories were then - a little bit dark and perhaps more truthful than stories are now. There is a part in chapter 9, 'The Spiders' Garden Party', that tells about a spider called Mrs. Argiope, who eats her husbands.

It is beautiful. You Argiopes do make exquisite nests,” replied Mrs. Thaddeus, “but I have heard you are not very kind to your husbands.”
“No,” sighed Mrs. Argiope. “I always am rather ashamed of it; but they are such tiny, insignificant creatures, and so afraid of us, that it makes us contemptuous. We do treat them shamefully, I know. Yet we generally furnish a web for them to live in. That is my husband’s apartment,” and Mrs. Argiope pointed to a shabby, irregular rag of a web at the edge of her own beautiful, big snare. “I ate my first husband,” she went on. “You know spiders usually dance before their sweethearts at the wooing, but our Argiope mates are such stupid things they can’t dance, but just climb about on our web without rhyme or reason. Well, he looked perfectly ridiculous sliding about in that silly way, and when I got to thinking how beautifully Miss Zebra Spider's lover danced, I grew angry, and just turned my spinnerets upon him and wrapped him in a sheet of silk before he could say ‘boo.’ Then--I was very hungry -- I ate him at once; but I must say he was rather tough and had a poor flavor.”
“How dreadful!” exclaimed Mrs. Thaddeus, throwing up her front claws. “But then it isn’t any wonder; male spiders are always such tiny, good-for-nothing creatures, I don’t know if we could be blamed if we ate them all up...

The entire book is like that - it's really fun to read. I can just imagine how much I would have loved this when I was little.

15 January 2008

love these

3.1 Philip Lim - Spring 08 RTW

I'm going to make that shirt in the first one (detail). So cute.

I just got off the phone with my little cousin, Sophi. She called me and very excitedly explained that she has a dance recital on Thursday and that she really wants me to come. On Christmas she was showing me the dance she had learned so far and was so proud of herself. I'm definitely going and I can't wait.

14 January 2008


photo taken by *dans

ohmygosh. I have to go here!

It looks absolutely amazing... Plus one of my most favorite people in the world lives there.

This has to work out.

13 January 2008

what the hell

There have been so many people dying lately that I know. The 5th person in just 3 weeks died this morning suddenly of a brain aneurysm. I am so shocked... She was my small group leader when I was in junior high, and her daughter who has downs syndrome was in my class. I just recently helped them shop for clothes at Nordstrom before I quit...

All of these deaths are reminding me of how none of us have any guarantees. I could die in an hour or in 50 years - there's just no way of telling.


It's such a beautiful day! I wish I had somebody to spend it with.

10 January 2008


H&M to open 3 Seattle stores

08:50 AM PST on Thursday, January 10, 2008
Associated Press

SEATTLE - Swedish-based design-driven clothing retailer Hennes & Mauritz says it plans to open three stores in the Seattle area by this fall.

H&M is known for quality fashion at affordable prices.

The company said it would have a two-level, 19,000-square-foot store in University Village; a 25,000-square-foot, two-floor store in Southcenter; and a 16,000-square-foot store on Pike Street in downtown Seattle.

The company debuted in New York seven years ago, and there are currently 146 H&M stores in the United States, with 1,500 stores in 28 countries.

Original article: King5.com

This is wonderful!!!!

crazy letters from/to ana

From: Anastasia
Date: Jan 10, 2008 3:05 PM

Listen I think I am going to go crazy. I wish we could hangout today. Is it weird that I think about you at least 5% of my day. Which is a pretty big percentage.

In the Summer we should plan a trip together. Maybe a little road trip. I want to go shopping so bad......but there are no good places here. Let's go.

I have one week off of school after spring term...maybe then. All of september I have off of school too.

I love you.


To: Anastasia
Date: Jan 11, 2008 6:07 AM

Not weird! Wonderful! It's so nice to have someone who likes me that much! I love you!

I think I'm the one going crazy. Listen to this.

I just woke up from a nap and I was having this horrible nightmare. There was a lady asking for tea and she had a thick Russian accent (there are SO MANY RUSSIANS EVERYWHERE!!! ALWAYS at Terra Bite!!!) and I couldn't understand what she was asking for. She kept speaking to me and asking me questions about the tea and I would say, "I'm so sorry, I can't understand you." She started to get really mad. She kept saying things and pointing at her tea. "I'm sorry, it's just that you have a REALLY thick accent!" and I laughed nervously. She cocked her head to the side and looked really upset. Then suddenly more and more people started showing up until the place was crowded. There were these teenagers who kept coming behind the counter and standing next to me and I kept telling them they couldn't be back there and to please move. They kept getting in my face and not listening to me. I'd say "PLEASE move to the other side! Stop disrespecting me and move to the other side! The owner doesn't like other people back here! MOVE!" and they'd give me attitude and suddenly they all started multiplying - like in huge groups all at once. Kind of like how rabbits do in cartoons. Then all of them started doing it and thought it was so funny how pissed off I would get if they all came around to the other side of the counter. I was yelling at them through clenched teeth I was so angry. Then all these really really tall teenagers came in. They were towering above me. I stopped to look up at them - I was so shocked at how tall they were. I looked at one and said, "You are SO tall!" and it actually hurt my neck to bend it back that far just to look up at him. Then one more kid stepped over and I yelled "NOOOOOOOOOO!" and woke up.

It was awful. But pretty fucking funny! Sigh.

Now I'm eating the baguette that Vladamir, my Russian neighbor, gave me today. It's quite tasty.

So anyway. Lets just do everything together. Absolutely everything. When you get married, I'll be in your wedding! Oh.... wait. Well, you can be in mine! And someday when you and Nate are sooo old and are "re-marrying" each other for some huge anniversary, I will be a bridesmaid and pretend I was there the first time. Or maybe I'd rather be a flower girl. I'd like to run around when I'm old and throw flowers instead, I think.

Lets start planning our trip now. Where should we go? I imagine us somewhere with big blue skies, surrounded by endless golden fields. The fields match the color of our hair. Where would that be?

I want to go shopping, too. I almost spent a lot of money online today and then I stopped myself. I think maybe I want to actually do it though. I like to have pretty things.

I'm eating this bread as if I haven't had a meal ever in my life.

I think I took too much Midol. It's a mood enhancer. Did you know that? It's kind of fun to take too many. I feel weird!

Bye! I love you!!!!

PS. Let's go to New York in September. That's a really good time of year to go there.

09 January 2008

memories of papa

My Uncle David, Aunt Lisa & Papa Cal.

I found all of these old photos tucked away in an antique desk in our family room. I love the colors and the way film was processed and developed then. I wish photos were still printed in little squares. They look so precious. Like little treasures. I love seeing pictures of my mom and her siblings when they were young. I scanned a bunch of them into my flickr account.

08 January 2008

to do list

I had old Nordstrom friends over for Scrabble and dinner tonight. We didn't end up playing Scrabble at all but we had lots of good, long talks. We decided it's time for change in our lives, so we are going to do all of the things we've always wanted to do - and we're doing them together.

- glass blowing @ tacoma art museum
- cross stitch & embroidery
- horse back riding
- white river rafting (in the summer time)
- tennis
- painting
- photography classes
- cooking classes
- choir concerts at benaroya hall
- theater (plays - not movies)

I'm sure the list will get bigger. At least, I hope so.

This will be so therapeutic for me. I think I'm starting to see potential for happiness... or at least something like it.

07 January 2008

home again

I was in Medford over the weekend for my grandpa's funeral. For the first time in my life, I actually wanted to stay a while longer. I feel bad for my grandma, she will be so lonely. I'm hoping I can get some time off next month to go down and visit her. I was able to see Anastasia and Nate for a little while and that was so good for my spirit. They are such wonderful people. I am so lucky I met them. Anastasia is the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time.

I'm back at work every day now until the 20th. It's exhausting but it will be good money... Hopefully enough that I can move out - and preferably to a different state. Or it would be nice to go stay with one of my friends in Europe for a while. I have friends all over... London, Dublin, Amsterdam, Copenhagen... I could even go to Taiwan, actually. Something like that would probably be really good for me.

I just want to get away from here. I want to find a new place where there aren't memories from a past life everywhere I turn.

02 January 2008

my grandpa

April 21, 1921 - December 29, 2007.

I took this picture of him on Thanksgiving.

oh well