To feel confident and successful is not natural for the artist. To feel insufficient, to experience disappointment and defeat in waiting for inspiration is the natural state of mind for an artist. As a result, praise to most artists is a little embarrassing. They cannot take credit for inspiration, for we can see perfectly, but we cannot do perfectly. Many artists live socially without disturbance to mind, but others must live the inner experience of mind, a solitary way of living. - Agnes Martin
This is something I am always trying to explain to my mother, but never successfully am able to. She is not an artist (she is brilliant in other ways that I am at times envious of) and has a very difficult time understanding me - and my father, too - when it comes to taking pride in our work and creative endeavors. I am certain that if I sent this quote to my dad, he would think, "Yes, exactly - this is true!" just as I did. My mom would simply become frustrated as the perpetual dissatisfaction I feel with almost everything I do doesn't make any sense to her. I usually can find happiness or pride in something I've done for a little while, but not long after, I cringe at the sight or thought of it and only wish to throw it out, do something entirely different or better. In fact, I am completely embarrassed by most of the work I have done that is floating around the internet.
Nothing I do artistically ever seems quite good enough after some time - and I refuse to believe that it is an issue of confidence. It's merely the way an artist's mind works, isn't it? Or are my dad, Agnes Martin and I the only ones (I doubt it) who feel this way?
