To feel confident and successful is not natural for the artist. To feel insufficient, to experience disappointment and defeat in waiting for inspiration is the natural state of mind for an artist. As a result, praise to most artists is a little embarrassing. They cannot take credit for inspiration, for we can see perfectly, but we cannot do perfectly. Many artists live socially without disturbance to mind, but others must live the inner experience of mind, a solitary way of living. - Agnes Martin
This is something I am always trying to explain to my mother, but never successfully am able to. She is not an artist (she is brilliant in other ways that I am at times envious of) and has a very difficult time understanding me - and my father, too - when it comes to taking pride in our work and creative endeavors. I am certain that if I sent this quote to my dad, he would think, "Yes, exactly - this is true!" just as I did. My mom would simply become frustrated as the perpetual dissatisfaction I feel with almost everything I do doesn't make any sense to her. I usually can find happiness or pride in something I've done for a little while, but not long after, I cringe at the sight or thought of it and only wish to throw it out, do something entirely different or better. In fact, I am completely embarrassed by most of the work I have done that is floating around the internet.
Nothing I do artistically ever seems quite good enough after some time - and I refuse to believe that it is an issue of confidence. It's merely the way an artist's mind works, isn't it? Or are my dad, Agnes Martin and I the only ones (I doubt it) who feel this way?
i feel the same.. it's not easy, i know..
ReplyDeleteWell, with age I think I am less critical of what I do but I completely understand. An artist is never "done" with a creation but at some point chooses to stop the process. There are sometimes an infinite number of directions to pursue but life doesn't last long enough for that adventure. You are so talented and I'm glad you find fulfillment and joy in your artistic pursuits. I love you. Dad
ReplyDeleteI feel this way too! I don't consider myself an artist, but a writer, yes. Probably similar?
ReplyDeleteAnd how is a writer not an artist?
ReplyDeleteWell, writing is definitely an art form if I look at it from 30K feet. But otherwise they are just related, to me, and I don't use the two interchangeably. My automatic brain goes to a semi-traditional way of thinking of the word "art." For example: I've never been to an art museum that showcased writing as the focal point of any piece – even manuscripts and medieval books are there as preserved masterpieces of craftsmanship and calligraphy. Love this question, btw.
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