so lame

Paulo Melim Andersson is ruining Chloe.

christiana & me

(The absolute worst photo booth I've ever seen!)

I had the most fun with Christiana today.

When I picked her up, she was so excited. John said he could barely keep her still all morning. Everywhere we went, she couldn't walk without skipping or hopping. We went to the Aquarium and saw some beautiful and fascinating things. We agreed that our favorite things were the sea otters and getting to touch the sea anemones and sea urchins. Watching the octopus be fed his lunch was pretty cool, too. I put up pictures on my flickr.

In the car on our way down town, she explained to me that her eyes always change colors. She said they are green when she's sleepy, red when she's mad (yikes), and hazel when she's really happy. I asked her what color she thought they were then, and she replied, "Oh, hazel! I think they just have to be hazel." So cute.

She told me all about Jakarta, her family (or what is left of it...) and about her friends and bits and pieces about her life. That little girl has been to more places in her short life than anybody I know. Tokyo, Hong Kong, Hawaii, numerous other places in the States, Jakarta (obviously) and she mentioned a couple of European countries, too, that she had a hard time pronouncing. She has had so many adventures - ones that most would probably assume were made up, but just knowing what kind of life she's had so far, I completely believe all of it. She has been swimming with dolphins and had a giraffe eat right out of the palm of her hand. She rides ponies as transportation at home and met an Orangutan one day with her dad on their way to a friend's house. She told me a lot about herself and what she likes to do. She told me about her grandma's puppies and how they're very competitive for her attention. She told me about her school and all of the field trips she got to go on while living here over the past 6 months (the theater, the ballet). Talking about school seemed to spark a sudden fascination with school buses because we kept count of how many we saw (23) all day.

After the aquarium we wandered around the piers for a while. We went into the arcade (so toursity) and played a few carnival type games, had our fortunes told by a fake woman in a box, had our pictures taken, and rode on the carousel. Then I told her to pick what we should get for lunch. She chose fish n' chips. Personally, after spending almost two hours in the aquarium, I thought that was an odd choice. I pointed that out to her, and she said, "I guess I'm just in a fishy mood!" We went to Ivar's and waited in line for way too long. She couldn't stand still and was jumping and dancing all around. One of the Ivar's employees, who, I swear to God was Larry David's twin (both in looks and personality) joined her in this dancing/hopping thing she was doing. It was so funny. Everybody was staring at them and I just couldn't stop laughing.

Our day ended way too quickly. We ran out of time and didn't get to do everything I had planned for her, which was a huge bummer. She and I tried to convince John to let us hang out again tomorrow, but we failed. He said she has too much packing to do. I made prints of a bunch of pictures that we took today and left them at our friend's bakery for John to pick up for Christiana tomorrow. I wrote her a letter and wrote little notes and memories on the backs of the photos. She said so many witty and cute things that I know she'll love to know about when she's older. I wish I'd had enough time to put them into a picture book for her.

She and I promised to be pen pals, which I am really excited about. She seemed a little worried though, because she said the mail man in Jakarta doesn't do a very good job. I told her I would still try and that I have her dad's email address so if the letters didn't get to her, then I could email her instead. I really hope the letters do make it there, though. I plan on sending her all sorts of fun things. John said they will probably try to visit once a year. I will so look forward to seeing them again.

Christiana is such a smart, funny and sweet girl. Her life has obviously been rich in experiences and culture, but it's so apparent that she's lacking love and family. She didn't mention her mother once. When John says her mom isn't in the picture - I don't know if that means she has had absolutely no contact with Christiana from the very beginning so that she doesn't even know she exists. Or, if their interaction is very sparse and therefore a sensitive subject. I know that John does the best he can... But it's got to be so hard. I mean, he's 62 and in terrible health. Their whole situation worries me.

I really wish I could've spent more time with her. It makes me so sad that they're leaving on Monday. She told me she doesn't really like Jakarta and that she would rather stay here, in Seattle - but then she said she knows her dad will be happier there. "He doesn't seem to like his family anymore, " she said. I wish I could keep her here with me. I mean, if I were ready to be a mother... I totally would. It was hard to say goodbye. I gave her a big hug. Part of me feels a little bit empty knowing she'll be gone so soon. That little girl really captured my heart...


Looonnng entry. I've been up since 4AM and have probably only slept about 6 hours over the past two days. I'm exhausted and I have to get up at 5AM tomorrow. It's time for me to go to bed!

hello

I am still alive, but just barely. I have been so busy... I work every morning from 5:30-9:30, and then I come home to spend the rest of the day working on one of my many projects.

The Xbox project didn't wrap up when it was originally expected to - but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by that. We had to start over from the beginning because they changed directions with it. I had to produce 11 frames for the new storyboards in one day. My legs ache from sitting down so much.


I'm up way too late - but this night has just been so chaotic and strange. I seem to be having a lot of days like this recently! I have not had one dull moment in my life for quite a while, it seems. Every day feels like it lasts forever - which may sound like a bad thing, but it's really not. However I suppose being awake at 4:30 and not going to bed until midnight would account for that feeling of days never ending. There's just so much to do and not enough time to finish it all!

I was reading over my blog from the first day I started it... It's really kind of amazing to me how much changing I've done in a matter of months. Really incredible, actually. I almost don't even know who that girl was. I remember her, but I don't know her anymore... A very strange feeling/realization.


My dreams have come true with the Christiana situation (a little refresher). Jen and I were out wandering around Kirkland yesterday and ran into John. He bought us coffee and confided in us about how concerned he is about his daughter. He said she really needs a woman in her life - so I took the opportunity to tell him how much I would love to try and be that person. So, although I think it is very hard for him, he's letting me take her out for a day. Tomorrow after work, I am picking her up at 10AM and we are going to do all sorts of fun things. I wanted to take her to the zoo originally, but it's going to be raining. Today was pretty nice out and sunny so I was expecting it to be the same tomorrow - but since it won't be, we're going to the aquarium instead. Then I'm going to take her to lunch, and to Pike Place. I just want to spoil her and make her feel super special for a day. I know John is worrying about it - he called me twice today to make sure I was absolutely certain I wanted to do this. I know he's just nervous because he probably never trusts anybody with his only child. But I reassured him that I have been taking care of kids since I was probably 6 years old and that I will not let her out of my sight. I am really looking forward to this!

So, on that note I better go get some rest! Tomorrow is a big day.

mister owl

My little brother just asked me if I can eat a tootsie pop without biting it. I showed him this commercial from who knows how long ago (I was probably 7 years old...?) but I remembered it right away.

I miss tv from my childhood. Does anybody remember those "In A Minute" shorts they played on PBS during commercial breaks? I can't find any of them online anywhere...

so long, tb!

G-chat with Courtney (manager from Terra Bite).


Courtney: A couple people asked about you today. I told them that you left to follow your dream. :) They were really happy for you.


I love how that sounds.

for johanna

A complete mess! Probably why I feel like the world is caving in on me.

so good

I swear to God I'm getting an ulcer!

I get up in the morning, work on illustrations for this Xbox thing, go to work at my new job (brand new cafe, helping the owner open it), come home, work on illustrations more... I have not had one free moment to myself since Friday and I know that's not very long - but try being in one place, barely moving for 5 hour increments in a cold, cramped room! I feel so claustrophobic! This is stressing me out so much - but only at times. It's not a constant thing. I'll be fine for an hour or two and then I start freaking out. I think I need to go ride my bike or something. I'm all shaky and cold. I thought it was from pent up energy, but maybe my blood sugar is low...?

It's really strange to me how things are coming together right now. I'm getting more and more illustration & design jobs that are just coming out of nowhere. All are paid! How is that possible!? I have five other projects that I'm going to be starting sometime this week - which will be a huge challenge considering how much time the Xbox project is taking up right now. That is definitely my priority, but I can't turn these other things down. There are projects ranging from business logos to album covers to more tote bags for a different company in England.

It's just so good. My dad and I even discussed him getting a larger office space that we could share so that I don't have to be stuck in my room for hours at a time. He has his own business (he is an architect) and has a nice office but it wouldn't be big enough for both of us. I think having a separate place that is designated solely (I always thought the word was "soley".....??? One 'l' - not two! I've been saying it wrong my whole life until spell check on blogger caught that!) for work would really help me to focus and get more done.

I should probably look into getting a business license.

Clearly, this entry is making it quite evident that I'm going a little crazy.


But anyway, life is looking good. I am so happy with every area of my life right now - except my love life. Or lack of, rather. But other than that, (which is something I'm doing a good job of not focusing on) things are really looking up. I'm moving away from negative things and moving towards positive ones. I'm getting jobs doing things I actually like to do. I'm using my talents and getting great feedback. I'm re-connecting with all of my friends that I semi-lost over the course of my relationship (a mistake that I will never make again). My family and I are closer than ever, and each one of us are so much more comfortable with just being who we really are. I don't worry anymore what they think about my points of views or opinions. It's okay that I don't go to church. It's okay that I am who I am. It's okay that I'm voting for a democrat and not a republican (haha!). It's a wonderful thing not dealing with that kind of stuff anymore. I'm going to have enough money soon to move out of my parent's house. I love being here with them and my siblings but it's time to go. I can't wait to have my own space and some independence.

At the beginning of the year, I couldn't see anything good coming my way. Now I have hope!



Oh, one last thing. Today is George Harrison's birthday. I love him and I miss him. He was my favorite Beatle.

vomit

Wow. I am so stressed out right now. I have this big project I'm doing for Xbox (I mean, for me it's big) and I just keep asking myself, "WHY did they pick me for this!?" God, I'm so nervous I think I might puke. I feel like they have these high expectations that I just might not live up to. But on the other hand, they saw my work and they chose me to do this based on that. Somehow it's easier to freak out than it is to be calm and confident and just do what I do. I think a lot of this doubt is stemming from what they said they would pay me. I have NEVER been paid this much before... Perhaps that has given me a complex where I feel like my work/talent is only worth $100 - so I can't imagine how that same talent can be worth 35 times more...


I'm done with Terra Bite, thank God. My last shifts are closing tonight and closing tomorrow. It's going to be so good for me to be out of that horribly negative environment. There was so much drama and it was all just so unnecessary - as most drama usually is. The owner is so slimy, handles his business poorly and treats his employees with very little (to no) appreciation or respect. His girlfriend is no better. The only down side is I was paid really well... It will be hard to find a job like that again where I can make that much money. Although, considering all that they've put me through, the money doesn't even make it worth it anyway.

On Monday I'm starting a new job at a cafe that's opening soon. I'll be a barista again, which is not a step up in any way, but it's fine for now. As a barista in Seattle, you never really run into the problem of not being able to find a job, so it's a good skill to have when you need something to fall back on. I will be working there part time, mostly morning shifts (5am-9am). That will be perfect for me - especially considering what I have on my plate right now in terms of this Xbox thing. I'll be able to get up early (which I've found, as I get older, I prefer much more over sleeping in) and work short shifts, leaving me lots of time in the day to work on this project.


I really need to get back to work on these sketches...


Right now all I want to do is get outside into the sun and escape reality for a little while.

ohh... my life.

Good things, bad things. Bad things that might actually be good things... I just cannot wait until I have some sort of stability. I feel like my life has been a balancing act for months now... I am so glad I have such a different perspective on just everything in general now, or else I think I would be taking everything with a lot less grace than I have been able to.

It's been a very, very weird week (again).


I was super busy over the weekend getting illustrations finished up for this company in England that produces organic tote bags. I can't remember if I mentioned that before here...? Anyway, they're all done. Here are a few. If you live in the UK be sure to order one!

More of the illustrations that will be printed on the bags are on my flickr account. Some of the colors were altered a bit when I sent them to my friend Stephen (he's the one who got me the job) for printing purposes. So I wouldn't be surprised if some of the other illustrations don't end up looking exactly like the original ones I drew. Just keep that in mind in case you're able to get one!

I have so much I need to do tomorrow... I'm a little worried I won't finish everything I had planned to.

Super excited to watch the Obama/Clinton debate tomorrow night. I will talk about this more later - but I am just so psyched about this election.

john & christiana

This picture is what made my day.


There is a customer where I work who is 62 years old and recently has had two strokes. His name is John. He has lived and worked in Indonesia for most of his life, but when he had his strokes he had to move to his home town (Kirkland) to live with his 90 year old mother so that she could take care of him (which she is hardly capable of doing) & his 7 year old daughter, Christiana. Christiana's mother (John's 4th marriage) is not in the picture - apparently she was a gold digger and left John & took a lot of his money when things got too rough. I have fallen in love with the two of them - and especially adore Christiana. John comes in multiple times a day while Christiana is in school because he can't stand to be cooped up in his mother's house. He has confided in me multiple times about how unhappy he is here and how badly he wants to go home. He's so concerned about his daughter and often gets upset with his mom because she neglects Christiana when she is supposed to be caring for her. Obviously this is because of her age, but it still frustrates John. Probably because he knows he can't do much better himself. He can hardly walk - he shuffles along everywhere he goes, and looks and acts more like he's 75 than 62. He is an angry man, but I am on his good side so he treats me well. I like to tease him to make him laugh, since he rarely does. I like to call him "Muffin" or other such pet names, and I always try to get him to tell me he loves me. However, he never will! One day I said, "I know I brighten your day!" and he retorted, "No, you frighten my day!" He can be very sweet though, and told my mom the other day that I am the reason he comes into Terra Bite, and that when I leave, he and his daughter will never step foot in there again.

For a long time I thought he was senile and was convinced that he thought he was in the CIA. He was always asking to borrow my cell phone to make calls (he still does) and he would get this very stern and official tone whenever he was speaking to whoever was on the other line. My co-worker and I had fun coming up with these crazy stories about who he was and where he came from. We always laughed whenever he came in with piles of 'important' paperwork and asked to borrow a pen. But this was all before he started to tell me what was really going on in his life.

On the weekends he'll come in with Christiana. He tries to keep her out of the house and away from his mother as much as possible, it seems. When they aren't in the cafe, they're at the library across the street. Their whole situation makes me so sad. I have been trying so hard to be Christiana's friend. She is so little, has little to no contact with her mom, and was just ripped away from her home and friends. I told John that if he ever needs help, I would love to take her out for a day. She doesn't have anybody that she can have fun with, and clearly doesn't have any sort of motherly figure in her life. She is so shy and sweet, and a beautiful little girl. She would normally act so serious and seemed to be afraid of me. Whenever they came in, she would hide behind John's legs, and if I asked her a question she would look up at her dad and let him answer for her.

Then, today she asked me if I had a pen and paper she could borrow. She called me over a few minutes later and proudly presented this drawing. She said it was for me, and I cannot tell you how happy I was. I asked her if Max & Sydney were her friends. She said that they were made up. I told her she was a great artist, which made her very proud. After that, John took her to get Shnoo (frozen yogurt) and when they got back she started this game of peek-a-boo with me. They were standing outside the front windows (John was borrowing my cell phone again) - and she kept hiding behind the wall and then jumping out in front of the window. I would pretend not to see her and then look and she would laugh and hide behind the wall again. This went on for a while, and I kept getting closer to the window, hiding behind the counters until I got to the wall on the other side. When she jumped out, I poked my head around the corner - she screamed and ran away. Haha. It was so cute. I probably looked like an idiot, but making her smile made my day.

So anyway, I just feel like I accomplished something big today, even if those two things are really quite small. I really want Christiana to feel like I can be her friend, and I think she is starting to see that she can trust me. I'm hoping someday soon John will let me babysit her or hang out with her for a few hours. I'd love to take her to Pike Place Market and the Seattle Science Center or something. Those are two places I loved when I was her age. I think she'd go crazy about the Butterfly Room.