no, no, no

I just received this email from my dad.

Hey Aly darling,

I don’t know if Mom told you, but the two ladies with the Pomeranian dog up the street came to the door yesterday. They heard about Macy. They wanted to know the symptoms because their dog has been acting strange and they took it to a vet to get a toxology test. They had not gotten the results as of yesterday. Mom said the dog was very calm and docile which is not what that dog is usually like. I hope someone in the neighborhood is not doing this.

There's a man in our neighborhood who once took photographs of all the neighborhood dogs and has threatened people before...

I can't come up with a single word to explain how this is making me feel.

perfect pup

I was in the middle of getting my hair cut today, when I found out that my puppy, my best friend, was suddenly very sick and would have to be put down. The vet said that they think she must have gotten into antifreeze, which is extremely poisonous. By the time I got to her, she was almost gone... I buried my face in her neck and petted her and held on to her until they put her down.

Macy was the perfect friend. It may seem strange to some people, but she was so much more to me than a pet. She comforted me at some of the lowest, heartbreaking points in my life. She slept with me and cuddled with me when I was terribly lonely and sad. She made me laugh and we would have so much fun together. She had so much personality, was such a happy, loving, healthy, kind dog. She didn't have a mean bone in her body. She never barked (unless she was saying hello or protecting us) and she never bit. The only time she ever nipped at me was when I tried to get her to wear a sweater. I told her I was sorry and promised I would never try to do that again.


She was truly a huge blessing in my life over the last 8 years, but especially this past one. I don't know what I would have done without her. There are so many wonderful memories that I will never forget, and I'm so glad for those - but right now, I'm so sad. I've lost so many things I love this year. I don't understand why she had to die now. I don't understand the purpose in it. It's not fair.


I'd give anything to get her back.

empty

Look at all those empty hangers...

Sigh.

Edit: A friend of mine said that I'm being too vague. He said, "People will just think that you bought too many hangers." So, just to clear it up, what I'm trying to point out is that I have very little to wear. I feel tired, bored and dull. My wardrobe is dwindling because I have to sell clothes in order to have money for food to eat. I have never had this few articles of clothing hanging in my closet before.

My sister pointed out it could be a lot worse - and she's right. However, being a poor artist is not as glamorous as I thought it would be. Come the end of October, which is very quickly approaching, I will be done with this project that I've been working on for months, and I will finally be able to bill for my work. That will be very good.

snuggling sisters

I love my sister. We have spent the past five days together watching movie after movie, full seasons of Seinfeld and The Office, eating milkshakes, soup, yogurt, mashed sweet potatoes, and any other soft food you can think of that one can manage to eat after having oral surgery. I am so glad and fortunate to have a little sister that I can spend so much time with and enjoy every moment.


Today was a perfectly beautiful fall day. Crisp and sunny. I love bundling up and walking around. Sammy came over and we had high tea at Remedy Teas on 15th. It was a wonderful surprise to find something here that compared with Tea & Sympathy in New York. We stuffed ourselves with tea sandwiches, scones, cookies and truffles. I've been so excited about it all day that I want to go back tomorrow... but, I won't. We also went shopping and I finally treated myself to a winter coat and shoes that don't have holes in them.

I illustrated another shirt for my friends. It's the same idea as the one I drew of Evan, but it's a girl instead. I discovered these really precious photos on flickr earlier today. They're a German family's photographs dating all the way back to the mid-forties. They gave me so many great ideas and now I'm really inspired to draw all kinds of things, so I'm going to start some new illustrations tomorrow.


I went for a late dinner with Rachel at Chez Gaudy tonight. Stuffed myself again. She told me about a private school (pre-k through kindergarden) that she's been working/teaching at. There are three different campuses, and the main one is only a few blocks from where I live. She said that if I wanted to, I could probably get a job there since I have a lot of childcare experience. They have art classes and she said they would probably love ot have me as an art teacher/specialist, or something. I think that sounds like so much fun.


I've had a lot of new ideas pop into my head recently about what I want to do with myself/my life. I feel like my future is so big and so unpredictable. It's very scary, but exciting. I think 2009 is going to be another year of big changes and new opportunities. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm glad 2008 is getting close to an end. I'm definitely ready to be out with the old, and in with the new... on so many levels.

looking forward

I have had the last 3 days off to help take care of my sister. She had her wisdom teeth taken out on Friday, so I've been staying home & watching lots of movies and eating lots of mushy foods. She has to go to school tomorrow, but I have the day off - again - so I am going to be productive.

I worked this morning at the cafe, so afterward I went to Value Village - which has become my Sunday ritual. I finally found a bedside table - which now, I'm actually thinking will stay in the living room.




I plan on painting it and buying some hardware for the drawer. I just can't decide quite yet what I'm going to do exactly. I figure I should pick out the hardware first, and then decide how I'll paint it. I think I'll walk down to work (Anthro) in the morning and pick a few things out. I kind of like the bird knobs we have, or the pulls that look like branches.

I also still have a little set of drawers I need to work on. It needs painting, too and I'm also going to cover the fronts of the drawers in some paper I bought. It has silhouettes of nursery rhymes on it - like Mother Goose and Jack & Jill.

Hopefully I'll accomplish both of these things tomorrow. I also need to finish up some Parson Red Heads illustrations.

Busy, busy bee.

Ashley & I went out to lunch with my brothers today. My dad met up with us a little later. After we ate, we went to see the Fremont Troll. David expressed interest in seeing it - I guess neither he or Daniel had ever seen it before. Sort of funny to randomly do something so touristy. The boys found it amusing for about five minutes and then they got bored. It was really nice to be with the whole family (almost). I miss them a lot.

I haven't seen much of my family recently. It's making me very impatient for the holidays to get here. I want to spend time with them... And eat lots of good food. I can't wait to bake all of my favorite Christmas cookies and desserts with Gramma again this year. I love helping her with Christmas morning breakfast, too. Baked apples, kolache, tea rings, cinnamon rolls! Mmmm.



I can't believe it's only almost midnight. It feels like it should be so much later. Probably because I've been up since 5am and did a lot today.


I think I will join my chipmunk (her cheeks are so chubby!) sister now and go to sleep.

lew

There's nothing like a night of Trophy Cupcakes, my Uncle's company & Presidential debates.

I wish I could enjoy evenings like this more often.

lovely

Chloé is back and it's beautiful. I was very anxiously awaiting the SS09 line & I am so happy. The color palette is my favorite. I use the same one all the time in my illustrations. It's so pretty & perfect. These are just a few of my favorites.

projects

I was sent home 3 hours early from work today for something like the fifth time over the past week. Everyone is scared about the economy right now, so nobody is shopping, which means we're super slow and therefore everyone's hours get cut. This is not good for me at all. It's making me feel a bit nervous.

I have been spending some time re-developing characters for my current freelance project. I don't like what I started out with so I decided to go in a bright Edward Gorey/Tim Burton-ish direction. This is what it has turned into so far.




It doesn't look much like what I would normally do, but I tried to keep elements of her similar to what I have illustrated before simply so that I felt like it was still me.


I'm sleepy and to be perfectly honest, I've been in a rotten mood all day. Remember how I mentioned earlier that I'm trying to be good at being alone? It's not getting any easier. I finally got to see my sister for the first time in 3 days but not until 8:30 tonight. We went grocery shopping & then she went straight to bed. I miss her. We never get to have any fun any more.


I think this old grump needs to get into bed herself.


Ps. I really miss my friends.