26 February 2008

mister owl

My little brother just asked me if I can eat a tootsie pop without biting it. I showed him this commercial from who knows how long ago (I was probably 7 years old...?) but I remembered it right away.

I miss tv from my childhood. Does anybody remember those "In A Minute" shorts they played on PBS during commercial breaks? I can't find any of them online anywhere...

so long, tb!

G-chat with Courtney (manager from Terra Bite).

A couple people asked about you today. I told them that you left to follow your dream. :) They were really happy for you.

I love how that sounds.

for johanna

A complete mess! Probably why I feel like the world is caving in on me.

25 February 2008

so good

I swear to God I'm getting an ulcer!

I get up in the morning, work on illustrations for this Xbox thing, go to work at my new job (brand new cafe, helping the owner open it), come home, work on illustrations more... I have not had one free moment to myself since Friday and I know that's not very long - but try being in one place, barely moving for 5 hour increments in a cold, cramped room! I feel so claustrophobic! This is stressing me out so much - but only at times. It's not a constant thing. I'll be fine for an hour or two and then I start freaking out. I think I need to go ride my bike or something. I'm all shaky and cold. I thought it was from pent up energy, but maybe my blood sugar is low...?

It's really strange to me how things are coming together right now. I'm getting more and more illustration & design jobs that are just coming out of nowhere. All are paid! How is that possible!? I have five other projects that I'm going to be starting sometime this week - which will be a huge challenge considering how much time the Xbox project is taking up right now. That is definitely my priority, but I can't turn these other things down. There are projects ranging from business logos to album covers to more tote bags for a different company in England.

It's just so good. My dad and I even discussed him getting a larger office space that we could share so that I don't have to be stuck in my room for hours at a time. He has his own business (he is an architect) and has a nice office but it wouldn't be big enough for both of us. I think having a separate place that is designated solely (I always thought the word was "soley".....??? One 'l' - not two! I've been saying it wrong my whole life until spell check on blogger caught that!) for work would really help me to focus and get more done.

I should probably look into getting a business license.

Clearly, this entry is making it quite evident that I'm going a little crazy.

But anyway, life is looking good. I am so happy with every area of my life right now - except my love life. Or lack of, rather. But other than that, (which is something I'm doing a good job of not focusing on) things are really looking up. I'm moving away from negative things and moving towards positive ones. I'm getting jobs doing things I actually like to do. I'm using my talents and getting great feedback. I'm re-connecting with all of my friends that I semi-lost over the course of my relationship (a mistake that I will never make again). My family and I are closer than ever, and each one of us are so much more comfortable with just being who we really are. I don't worry anymore what they think about my points of views or opinions. It's okay that I don't go to church. It's okay that I am who I am. It's okay that I'm voting for a democrat and not a republican (haha!). It's a wonderful thing not dealing with that kind of stuff anymore. I'm going to have enough money soon to move out of my parent's house. I love being here with them and my siblings but it's time to go. I can't wait to have my own space and some independence.

At the beginning of the year, I couldn't see anything good coming my way. Now I have hope!

Oh, one last thing. Today is George Harrison's birthday. I love him and I miss him. He was my favorite Beatle.

23 February 2008


Wow. I am so stressed out right now. I have this big project I'm doing for Xbox (I mean, for me it's big) and I just keep asking myself, "WHY did they pick me for this!?" God, I'm so nervous I think I might puke. I feel like they have these high expectations that I just might not live up to. But on the other hand, they saw my work and they chose me to do this based on that. Somehow it's easier to freak out than it is to be calm and confident and just do what I do. I think a lot of this doubt is stemming from what they said they would pay me. I have NEVER been paid this much before... Perhaps that has given me a complex where I feel like my work/talent is only worth $100 - so I can't imagine how that same talent can be worth 35 times more...

I'm done with Terra Bite, thank God. My last shifts are closing tonight and closing tomorrow. It's going to be so good for me to be out of that horribly negative environment. There was so much drama and it was all just so unnecessary - as most drama usually is. The owner is so slimy, handles his business poorly and treats his employees with very little (to no) appreciation or respect. His girlfriend is no better. The only down side is I was paid really well... It will be hard to find a job like that again where I can make that much money. Although, considering all that they've put me through, the money doesn't even make it worth it anyway.

On Monday I'm starting a new job at a cafe that's opening soon. I'll be a barista again, which is not a step up in any way, but it's fine for now. As a barista in Seattle, you never really run into the problem of not being able to find a job, so it's a good skill to have when you need something to fall back on. I will be working there part time, mostly morning shifts (5am-9am). That will be perfect for me - especially considering what I have on my plate right now in terms of this Xbox thing. I'll be able to get up early (which I've found, as I get older, I prefer much more over sleeping in) and work short shifts, leaving me lots of time in the day to work on this project.

I really need to get back to work on these sketches...

Right now all I want to do is get outside into the sun and escape reality for a little while.

21 February 2008

ohh... my life.

Good things, bad things. Bad things that might actually be good things... I just cannot wait until I have some sort of stability. I feel like my life has been a balancing act for months now... I am so glad I have such a different perspective on just everything in general now, or else I think I would be taking everything with a lot less grace than I have been able to.

It's been a very, very weird week (again).

I was super busy over the weekend getting illustrations finished up for this company in England that produces organic tote bags. I can't remember if I mentioned that before here...? Anyway, they're all done. Here are a few. If you live in the UK be sure to order one!

More of the illustrations that will be printed on the bags are on my flickr account. Some of the colors were altered a bit when I sent them to my friend Stephen (he's the one who got me the job) for printing purposes. So I wouldn't be surprised if some of the other illustrations don't end up looking exactly like the original ones I drew. Just keep that in mind in case you're able to get one!

I have so much I need to do tomorrow... I'm a little worried I won't finish everything I had planned to.

Super excited to watch the Obama/Clinton debate tomorrow night. I will talk about this more later - but I am just so psyched about this election.

17 February 2008

john & christiana

This picture is what made my day.

There is a customer where I work who is 62 years old and recently has had two strokes. His name is John. He has lived and worked in Indonesia for most of his life, but when he had his strokes he had to move to his home town (Kirkland) to live with his 90 year old mother so that she could take care of him (which she is hardly capable of doing) & his 7 year old daughter, Christiana. Christiana's mother (John's 4th marriage) is not in the picture - apparently she was a gold digger and left John & took a lot of his money when things got too rough. I have fallen in love with the two of them - and especially adore Christiana. John comes in multiple times a day while Christiana is in school because he can't stand to be cooped up in his mother's house. He has confided in me multiple times about how unhappy he is here and how badly he wants to go home. He's so concerned about his daughter and often gets upset with his mom because she neglects Christiana when she is supposed to be caring for her. Obviously this is because of her age, but it still frustrates John. Probably because he knows he can't do much better himself. He can hardly walk - he shuffles along everywhere he goes, and looks and acts more like he's 75 than 62. He is an angry man, but I am on his good side so he treats me well. I like to tease him to make him laugh, since he rarely does. I like to call him "Muffin" or other such pet names, and I always try to get him to tell me he loves me. However, he never will! One day I said, "I know I brighten your day!" and he retorted, "No, you frighten my day!" He can be very sweet though, and told my mom the other day that I am the reason he comes into Terra Bite, and that when I leave, he and his daughter will never step foot in there again.

For a long time I thought he was senile and was convinced that he thought he was in the CIA. He was always asking to borrow my cell phone to make calls (he still does) and he would get this very stern and official tone whenever he was speaking to whoever was on the other line. My co-worker and I had fun coming up with these crazy stories about who he was and where he came from. We always laughed whenever he came in with piles of 'important' paperwork and asked to borrow a pen. But this was all before he started to tell me what was really going on in his life.

On the weekends he'll come in with Christiana. He tries to keep her out of the house and away from his mother as much as possible, it seems. When they aren't in the cafe, they're at the library across the street. Their whole situation makes me so sad. I have been trying so hard to be Christiana's friend. She is so little, has little to no contact with her mom, and was just ripped away from her home and friends. I told John that if he ever needs help, I would love to take her out for a day. She doesn't have anybody that she can have fun with, and clearly doesn't have any sort of motherly figure in her life. She is so shy and sweet, and a beautiful little girl. She would normally act so serious and seemed to be afraid of me. Whenever they came in, she would hide behind John's legs, and if I asked her a question she would look up at her dad and let him answer for her.

Then, today she asked me if I had a pen and paper she could borrow. She called me over a few minutes later and proudly presented this drawing. She said it was for me, and I cannot tell you how happy I was. I asked her if Max & Sydney were her friends. She said that they were made up. I told her she was a great artist, which made her very proud. After that, John took her to get Shnoo (frozen yogurt) and when they got back she started this game of peek-a-boo with me. They were standing outside the front windows (John was borrowing my cell phone again) - and she kept hiding behind the wall and then jumping out in front of the window. I would pretend not to see her and then look and she would laugh and hide behind the wall again. This went on for a while, and I kept getting closer to the window, hiding behind the counters until I got to the wall on the other side. When she jumped out, I poked my head around the corner - she screamed and ran away. Haha. It was so cute. I probably looked like an idiot, but making her smile made my day.

So anyway, I just feel like I accomplished something big today, even if those two things are really quite small. I really want Christiana to feel like I can be her friend, and I think she is starting to see that she can trust me. I'm hoping someday soon John will let me babysit her or hang out with her for a few hours. I'd love to take her to Pike Place Market and the Seattle Science Center or something. Those are two places I loved when I was her age. I think she'd go crazy about the Butterfly Room.

more of fall fashion week

Bored at work, of course!

Just discovered Luella. I've never paid any attention to her before and fell in love right away. Her Spring 08 collection is so me. I showed it to Vladimir and he said at first glance he thought it was me walking down the runway. The glasses, the hair, the whole look. I want all of it. The Fall collection is so cute too.
I feel like I must seem so superficial when I obsess over fashion, but I just like it so much. I can't help it.

Luella - Spring 08 RTW

Luella - Fall 08 RTW

This is making me want to go back into fashion design. I wish I could make up my mind about these things! I think I might go back to the New York Fashion Academy in the Spring or Summer and take a few more classes. There's a slight chance I might be living in Ballard starting next month so that could work out perfectly since it's in the same neighborhood.

I went fabric shopping with Peggi yesterday and we got some really great stuff. Joann's was having a huge sale and we both got tons of stuff for super cheap. I found this great green & black plaid silk that I can't wait to make a little mini dress out of. I also got this paisley print upholstery (I love upholstery - always has the best prints and patterns) that I'm going to use as an accent on a black dress I'm starting tomorrow.

Something really, really wonderful happened at work earlier. I'll write about it when I get home. It made me so happy.

16 February 2008

sounds about right

I keep having dreams that my hair is matted and falling out.

"Since hair is commonly associated with power, dreaming of loosing hair is often an indicator that we feel like our energy is being drained away. Like tooth loss dreams there is often an accompanying feeling of helplessness that comes with dreams of hair loss. And like tooth loss dreams, hair loss dreams may point to feeling powerless to change a situation. If you dream of loosing hair, look at you life and see if there are relationships or situations which are energy drainers."

"To see hair in your dream, signifies sexual virility, seduction, sensuality, vanity and health. It is indicative of your attitudes. If your hair is knotted or tangled then it is symbolic of uncertainty and confusion in your life. You may be unable to think straight. It also may signify a lack of strength and that you do not possess the power to succeed in an undertaking. You may be feeling weak and vulnerable."

15 February 2008


I'm bored at work and way too sleepy to read so I'm going to talk/write a lot.

My Valentine's Day turned out to be pretty great. My sister and I went to the Queen Mary Tea Room in the University District. It was even better than I had hoped it would be. Amazing, seriously! I had the strangest but best breakfast ever. A strawberry & brie omelette. So weird, so good. Whoever thought eggs and strawberries could go so wonderfully together? Ashley had french toast which was probably the best I've ever had. They also give you this amazing assortment of fruit which they slice and arrange in such a beautiful way that I had a hard time eating it. Oh and the tea was delicious of course. I'm a huge fan of this place now and I can't wait to go back. Possibly the best part was the bird cage that's built into the entry way. They have two pretty doves.

After that I spent most of the day with Jen. We went to Gasworks to enjoy the sun for a while (it was such a beautiful day), then we went to Ballard, Fremont and Queen Anne. We didn't accomplish anything we set out to do but it was okay. Then I went to the Bellevue Library to visit Peggi and drop off her Valentine's present. I was supposed to go home right after that and work on these 10 illustration I'm supposed to have done today - but I ended up staying there with her for probably almost two hours. We laughed at the weird people who call in (she works the answer line).

I filled my time with people and things that I love. So, it was a good day. At least until I went to bed. I couldn't sleep at all, so I called Macy and she cuddled with me all night. I was probably only asleep for 3 hours and then I had to get up to take my parents to the airport and go to work right afterwards. They are going to Southern California because my dad's vocal band is singing down there. haha.

I start hot yoga today. It's the first time I've ever done it and I'm so nervous! They heat the room to 102 degrees and say you can burn 400-1200 calories in one class. So intense... I'm probably going to pass out or vomit. Or both. I know I'm going to be so proud of myself once I get through it though. My sister and I are going shopping later for the appropriate yoga attire. I don't have anything to work out in because typically I'm pretty lazy when it comes to exercise.

I have an interview at 7:00 tonight for a barista position at a cafe that's opening up. It's supposed to be like the Bauhaus of the east side but we'll see. Hopefully it will be as cool as I've been told it is. I need to get away from Terra Bite asap. I told the owner that I will be gone the last week of March and most of April, but she still wanted to meet me so I feel like that's a good sign somehow. I'm not sure exactly what I mean by that.

Ok. It has taken me 3 hours to write this. I'm giving up!

PS. Seattlites, FYI: There is a Fleet Foxes show tonight at the Vera Project ($7, all ages - which never happens, 7:30PM) . You should go and stand in for me to support them. I wish I could still go to those shows. Although, it's not the shows or the music that I miss. The reasons I went had little to do with the music and more to do with supporting somebody I really cared about. So, go, have fun and support the boys before they get too popular and their shows are impossible to get into.

14 February 2008

valentine's day

I have three dates tomorrow. I am one lucky girl.

This has been an extremely strange week so far! Monday I was spoiled more than I think I ever have been. I was treated to lunch, flowers and semi-expensive gifts. Today I had a bizarre run-in with someone from my distant past... I was at Barnes & Noble running an errand when I walked up to the cashier and I realized that I knew her. She didn't recognize me at all (I looked very different when I knew her). When I told her my name, her response was, "Oh. Yeah. You're the girl I named my baby after." She sounded almost angry... All of the girls at the registers turned and stared at me. It was quite possibly one of the most uncomfortable moments in my life. Long story short: I knew this girl when I was 14. We went to church together. She got pregnant, nobody else would speak to her once the word got out except for myself and a couple other girls. My mom founded a crisis pregnancy center in the early 80's and because of that had access to maternity clothes and everything else that an expecting mother could need. So, we were sort of the ones who took her under our wing - which resulted in her naming her baby girl after me. I haven't seen her since then, I don't think. Alyson (her daughter) is 8 years old now. Eight years... Somehow I felt guilty in that awkward moment that I hadn't kept in touch with her. I never would have even thought of it if I hadn't run into her, though. So anyway, I agreed to sit down with her on her lunch break and catch up. I was hoping to hear some great story about how her life had changed drastically after that point. But sadly, not much has... She seems to be making the same mistakes over and over again (more pregnancies, an abortion, drugs, etc).

It just seems like all these strange little events keep occurring. Those aren't the only things, but I don't care to blog about the rest. Besides, one of my dates is at 9:45 tomorrow morning and I need my beauty sleep!

Happy Valentine's Day. I hope you spend it with someone special!

09 February 2008

romeo, romeo

I'm going to the Pacific Northwest Ballet tonight to see Romeo et Juliette with my gramma and sister. I'm so excited!

This has been a great day so far.

PS. Even better! Obama won the Washington State caucus!

07 February 2008


Just stumbled upon old AIM chats. The things I used to get upset about... So, so, so silly.

happy fashion week

I'm kind of disappointed. My favorite designers haven't done anything I love so far, and the ones I'm usually less impressed by I like a lot more. I'm especially bummed by what Marc Jacobs showed.

I love the colors and prints that DKNY used. I want all of these dresses. It's making me want to go out thrifting and to fabric stores to see if I can find anything similar. All of this collection could easily be worn now and through the Spring too. Soo cute!

DKNY Fall 2008 RTW

03 February 2008

sick of being sick

Here's a little sneezing tip: press the bone in-between your two nostrils to
stop a sneeze. Turns out all the little cartoons knew what they were doing.
It really works! (Unless you're Mickey & trying to hide inside a giant's pocket.)

This cold will not go away!

I thought I was getting better, then I woke up Saturday morning feeling even worse. I'm losing my voice. I'm coughing, congested, sneezing, etc. I feel so gross. I'm sure last night didn't help at all. It was my friend Caety's brother's birthday and I was invited out with them. We went to a bar in the U District which really is not my scene... Especially considering I don't particularly like to drink all that much anyway. Somebody bought me one drink and that is all I had. Kiki (the birthday boy) was so incredibly drunk. I was exhausted and felt like crap, but I will admit it was fun - and entertaining at the least. It was nice to spend more time with Caety. Rachel came too, and I stayed the night at her place.

Now I'm at work. It's really dead. I hope I didn't just jinx myself by saying that. I feel like I'm living in a cloud. Everything seems really foggy and I feel like I'm moving in slow motion. Noises sound muffled and time is going nowhere. My friend was even just here visiting with me for what felt like hours, but turns out it was only about 45 minutes.

When I get home, I'm getting into my pajamas, playing Guitar Hero for a while and then going to bed early. Eye appointment tomorrow which equals new glasses. Can't wait.

02 February 2008


I am so glad I have this blog. I don't know what else I would do when I'm this bored at work. Books make me more sleepy early in the morning, and knitting for long periods of time makes my fingers hurt. Usually by the time I write an entry, everything I've said is so pointless that I don't see any reason for posting it - so I just discard it and find something else to do. I won't be surprised if that's how this one turns out.

Yesterday after work, I stalked my friend Caety because there is just literally no other way to track her down. I found her at her dad's restaurant. She convinced me to go with her to get manicures and pedicures. I never pamper myself with those kinds of girly things, so it was nice. My nails look like dark candied apples. Maybe kind of like the one the witch gave to Snow White.

This cold is driving me crazy. I woke up this morning and it was worse than it has been for the past few days. I thought it was going away, but apparently not. I'm so sick of coughing, sneezing, sniffling, blowing my nose and not being able to breath through my nose. I've heard this thing can last for up to a month. I'm on week three. Ugh.

It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day. If I were feeling better, then I would get bundled up and take Macy for a walk along the waterfront. But since I'm not, I think I'll just go home and play Guitar Hero.

01 February 2008

things to look forward to

I am in love with this man. He reminds
me of a more fashionable David the Gnome.

1. Monday. Getting new glasses.
2. Tuesday. Going to Vancouver, B.C. with Jen. Shopping spree at H&M! So psyched.
3. End of March. I'm getting out of a work environment where nobody respects or values me - except for the customers. It takes everything in me to get myself up and go in there every day.
4. Making another poster for The Parson Redheads.
5. More days off (down to 4 shifts a week) so I can take better care of my self. Maybe I'll finally be able to sleep at least 3 nights out of the week.
6. Yoga with my sister.
7. March 22nd-30th. Potentially going to L.A. with Anastasia and her band while they record an album. This also means hanging out with Evan & Brette and making new friends.
8. Month of April - Traveling. I don't know where to yet, but knowing that I'm getting out of this country for a while is a really great feeling.
9. Returning home to re-evaluate my life. I have no idea what to expect anymore.